A working mum’s Guide - How to say NO!
and ditch the guilt without pi@@sing people off!
You’re a busy working mum, you hope that you are acting a great role model to your kids…
But, I also know that in your determined attempts to balance work and home life, you have found yourself saying YES an awful lot....
YES to clients
YES to people pleasing
YES to the kids
YES to other peoples demands
YES to the point you're not even clear how to say NO anymore!
Enough is Enough! Read on to find out how you can ease your mum guilt and improve your energies by learning to identify when and how to say NO!
When to say No!
Ask yourself the following questions to help you determine if you should really be saying NO...
Do you have the time?
Quite simply are you reaching burnout because you're doing too much?
If you're having to juggle a whole host of things around to fit in your latest "Yes" - was the time ever there for it?
What are the sacrifices?
What sacrifices are being made as a result of you saying YES? Are you missing bedtime for the kids, would it have been date night, some self care time or time away from value driven work?
Does it create value for YOU?
Do the demands fit with what you want to be doing or the direction you want to be going? Do they align with your core values? How does your gut feel about it?
Does the time spent doing it equate to the value it creates? If you don't know - how else would you be spending the time? would this have created more value for you or your business?
Learning to say NO protects your energies and allows you to create boundaries
How to say NO!
Here's the tough one!!
Make sure that for whatever reason you say NO, do it with kindness and compassion.
Signpost
Likely to be your biggest tool for saying NO.
Gather information on where you can signpost people to when you say NO. For example, a quick email directing people elsewhere saves from valued time seeing a client in person that will lead nowhere. In my hypnotherapy practice I have a whole directory of people I signpost to when I know a client will be better served by someone else's expertise. Why waste my time and theirs when someone else will service them better and they will thank me for my congruence.
Same goes in a family setting - all the family coming over and you normally cook - your signpost becomes the nearest takeaway menu!
Be Selfish
Be selfish with your time. A no could be a "No, not right now" - schedule in at a time that is convenient for YOU - if someone wants you that much, they will wait.
Create an alternative
Family can be a massive guilt driver when it comes to saying NO, so sometimes it about reaching a compromise, saying no to something but creating an alternative suggestion, one you're happy with! E.g - another day at the in-laws, really!?!?! Maybe suggest a meal out, when everyone goes their separate ways at the end!
Honesty is the best policy
" I'm sorry but I have to say no, my schedule is fully booked at the minute ... (a) signpost (b) schedule when convenient (c) offer nothing further"
Also, don't feel the need to give lengthy explanations as to why. Its our nature to justify (which adds to our guilt) when no one ever asks for the reasons.
Self Monitor
Take a moment to be aware of how much better you feel for saying NO to the things you wanted/needed to. A moments guilt at turning something down will far outweigh the stress and further guilt of trying to juggle and fit it all in.
Try some of these phrases to get you started
"I'm really sorry but my diary is chockablock over the next month"
"I'd rather be completely honest with you and let you know that this isn't really my area of expertise and I feel XYZ would be a much better route for you to take"
"I really appreciate the invite but we've not had much family time of late so I rally need to prioritise that over a night out"
"I have a full diary for the next few weeks but I could fit in a meet up on XYZ date"
"I'd love to help you but I have a specific project on at the moment that needs my full attention, but if you speak to XPZ they may be able to support you"
If you’d like to, then join my facebook group The Limitless Life - Guiding You back to being YOU, where you can learn from what is shared by myself and others; knowing that you’re not alone and there are like-minded women out there only too willing to lift you up when you need it and help straighten your crown.
If you’re looking for more focused support right now, you can get in touch for a FREE discovery call.
