I don’t want to be Superwoman!!!
For so many years my friends have exclaimed – I don’t know how you do it all!? You’re always so busy, you’re amazing!!
Do you know how that make me feel???
A fraud!!!
Because I’m busy out of necessity not choice - I certainly don’t feel like I’m ‘doing it all’ – I feel like I’m missing the mark on most things! I’m not amazing - I’m tired!
For centuries, women have been praised for their ability to multitask, their ability to ‘do it all’. The problem is that over time, more and more has been added to a woman’s bucket of shit that its now become too heavy.
Back in the “good old days” a woman was the home maker, she stayed at home and did the housework and raised the children and looked after her man. She did this to the utmost of her ability without the benefits of technology that we have today – but ALSO she often had extended family living close by who supported her, close networks who rallied around each other. Furthermore, the kids came home from school and didn’t have an endless calendar of extra activities….
With the introduction of new technologies and gadgets such as the hoover and the washing machine, standards of housework started to increase, and in turn expectations.
Over time women have fought for the right to be treated equal and go out to work just like the men. But have things changed at home that much more?? Many working women still bear the brunt of housework and the childcare, only now the standards and expectations are so much higher. Everyone needs a home as clean and tidy as Mrs Hinch, you need the parenting skills of Supernanny, look like someone from Love Island, with the brain of Carol Vorderman – gosh I’m exhausted even just thinking of that combination!
In reality, trying to spin all those plates, meet the expectations of others, along with the ones you impose on yourself, is bloody hard work. Unfortunately, the more you do, the more you feel you need to keep that up and even take on more. There’s nothing worse that the ‘Martyr Mum’ who rattles off the list of things she needs to do and places she needs to be; but stop and ask yourself are they trying to impress you or are they actually trying to justify to themselves why they may not have achieved and A* in each area?
I could easily bring out my ‘martyr mum’ list - I know I have before now and we’re all guilty of doing it!
But multitasking is not good!!!! It means you’re being a ‘Jack of all Trades and Master of None’. Never fully present in the moment or activity that you’re doing, then beating yourself up about it later. “Nope I don’t remember my son saying he had a test the next day”, “when did my daughter decide she didn’t like baked beans?”, “Crap, I forgot I had an appointment at the same time as a meeting”….
The only way you’re going to get out of the plate spinning is either by dropping some or choosing to put some down. Surely no one will berate the latter choice if nothing ends up smashed??
What can you put down?
Firstly, let it go (I bet you sung that in your head!) – let go the control and feeling that no one can do something as good as you!
Does it matter if the sofa wasn’t moved but your son actually did the hoovering?
ASK
You’ll be surprised if you ask what will get done. Don’t assume everyone knows how overwhelmed you’re feeling – they have their own head space to combat.
If you ask for some chores to be done around the house and they don’t get done – pass the responsibility to the person you asked.
If you need a babysitter – ditch the guilt – chances are the person doing the baby sitting is benefitting – they’re either being paid or they’re a friend/family member who wants to spend time with your child.
Prioritise
Don’t beat yourself up for having things not crossed off on your ‘to do list’… the list NEVER ENDS!!!!
So instead pick 3 priority tasks at a time and tackle those. Then move on to 3 more later. ‘Underestimate to overachieve’ - why feel bad because you had 6 things on your list and only achieved 4 – when you could have had 3 things on the list and pat yourself on the back for achieving 4 - win!!
Get out of your own head!
Learn to practice mindfulness. We engage far too much with our thoughts, not taking a pause to make sense of them and chose our reactions – instead we are a slave to our negative thoughts and resulting anxieties and stresses.
Other than a brief ‘oh my, you’ve had a stressful day’ from a friend when you tell them your ‘busy list’ - they don’t really care (sorry not sorry). Instead set the intention to engage in good conversations, acts of self-care and compassion to yourself and others, instead of focusing all your thoughts on what’s spinning on the plate.
Also try switching your perspective to being grateful for the stuff that’s happened – your delivery didn’t turn up on time becomes being grateful you could order the items in the first place. Doing the food shop feels like another hassle that you need to fit in… becomes being grateful to have the means to put food on the table.
Nobody said on their death bed that they wished they’d worked harder – enjoy your life and don’t let is pass you by.
So my challenge to you is to try putting some down during the next week. Try focusing your mind and efforts on one thing at a time.
Putting aside the expectation to be able to multitask means you’ll actually get more done!
If you’d like to, then join my facebook group The Limitless Life - Guiding You back to being YOU, where you can learn from what is shared by myself and others; knowing that you’re not alone and there are like-minded women out there only too willing to lift you up when you need it and help straighten your crown.
If you’re looking for more focused support right now, you can get in touch for a FREE discovery call.
