My Story
As part of my Coaching & Mentoring business I try and support other Biz-Mums to find the perfect balance between rocking your business and personal life – without the guilt mindset. For me it’s important that I share with you part of my story and how I truly know what it’s like to feel glued down by guilt….
The day I first experienced mum guilt was the day I committed to taking over a tiny catering operation
The twist was that I didn’t even have a child then!
Dec 2003, I’d just handed in my notice as a senior manager with a large supermarket and bought a small catering business with only a fistful of customers.
My husband Jon and I had just celebrated our first anniversary and we were a month into building our own home .... then, unexpectedly I found out I was pregnant (well, it had been our first anniversary!!)
From the January to the August I ran my catering business alone; August 1st, my due date, was my last day in work, my sister and sister-in-law then stepped in and helped keep the business ticking over .
Our son was 2 weeks old when we moved into our unfinished house, and 2 and a half weeks old when I returned to work. To this day I am eternally grateful to my mum who as a childminder was able to look after him for me, I could never have left him with anyone else (see, I feel the need to tell you that detail to justify my going back to work as I felt sooooo guilty!).
For the next 2 years I continued to worked alone, getting up at about 5 each morning to start work.
I’d finish early afternoon, go and pick up our boy and then take him around the warehouse or suppliers in his pushchair. Often retuning to the kitchens with the stock while he slept in the car – knowing full well the havoc that would create come bed time!
As the business grew so did my guilt.
I knew there was so much more I needed to be doing to make my business run better, but I also wanted to spend time with my son and husband, and needed to try and finish our house; looking back I was so overwhelmed that none of those things got the best effort – who says women can multitask eh?!?!
By 2008 I 'd been doing site catering for a number of years and employing varying numbers of people to meet seasonal demands. I was jumping to meet customer demands yet not feeling able to meet the basic needs of my family.
Then I became pregnant again
This time when our daughter was born early 2009, I treated myself to 6 weeks off!
By the time our daughter was 1 and son was 5 I knew that I couldn’t carry on the juggle. At that point I was starting at 4:30am each morning, returning home at 7am for hubby to go to work, sorting the kids out for school/creche, then going back to work. I was knackered, stressed and most of all feeling like my family were getting a rough deal. My frustration at myself for not doing “anything properly” was through the roof and I would cry at the slightest thing .
I sold the business in Nov/Dec 2010 with a massive sigh of relief.
I went to work with my husband to support his business and get some breathing space. Instantly the guilt reduced, I was able to do the school drop off and pick up and felt for a short time like I was winning at life!
I’d only planned to do it for 6 months but 4 years later I was still working with him, by this time he had multiple small businesses and I was doing the finances/admin for them all. My flexibility with the kids was reducing and I was hit with the realisation that through the guilt driven habit of prioritising everyone else, I had completely lost myself. No longer was I chatting with customers, I was stuck behind a desk alone in a reception area with very little interaction with the rest of the team; I was “Mum” at home and in work known as “Jon’s wife” and honestly… working together much longer he was at risk of being buried under the patio!!!
I took a new job (it’s a whole other story how many jobs I’ve had!!) which was great and ticked most of my boxes; loads of customer interaction, helping support and develop people, and massively flexible. The only issue was that the dynamics of the organisation weren’t something I could envisage being a long term thing for me.
Taking what I’d learnt through my previous roles, along with a great amount of soul searching I decided to retrain in clinical hypnotherapy & coaching.
The upshot is I LOVE IT!!!
I now have the job that makes my soul smile, I’m there whenever my kids need me (or even just when I want to be!), I no longer want to bury my husband (I actually quite like him!) and I’ve rediscovered ME. I’ve learnt along the way how to hold off the guilt when I feel pulled between my business and my family. I’ve learnt how to live my life and not just exist. My happy times are not snatched moments any more, they’re my life in general and I’m so excited to share some of these learnings with you!
So that’s a bit of my story – the part where I share that I do know what it’s like to have Biz-Mum guilt, to lose sight of myself and to feel like the hamster wheel has turned into a giant rollercoaster hanging off a cliff!!!!
If you’d like to, then join my facebook group The Limitless Biz-Mum, where you can learn from what is shared by myself and others; knowing that you’re not alone and there are like-minded mums out there only too willing to lift you up when you need it and help straighten your crown.
If you’re looking for more focused support right now, you can get in touch for a FREE discovery call.
